Just fun...from UPS pilots and service team

After just coming off a wonderful event with Perry Corporation and talking about those who can do their very best work while having some fun with what they do - I thought instead of forwarding yet another "read this and foward type emails" - I'll just post it here.

It's a fun & quick read, however I know real idea as to its validity. If it's not true, it was still funny and proves my overall point.

So here it is - enjoy
Sincerely

Jon Petz - Motivational Speaker

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UPS Air Cargo

> After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe
> sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
> mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
> and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here
> are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots
> (marked with a P) and the Solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
> maintenance engineers
>
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> P: Something loose in cockpit
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.

> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.

> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget..